...that way we'll both be even. I keep looking out the window as if somethings going to save me and make everything okay. My idealistic thoughts have persauded me to the side of good once more; I am not morbid anymore or depressed, I have grown up.

I was thinking last night, before I fell asleep, that I'm almost to the place where I wanted to be a few years ago. Not depressed and not 'aching,' I just hadn't realized it was this boring. My body is restless and so is my mind, my non-pained life is like eveyrone elses. I am like everyone else now.

I made a wish last year, "I wish that I was ordinary, that I was like everyone else." Isn't it funny that the wishes that you never wanted to come true are the ones that do? And the true hidden deep desires that you only utter in your heart in once in a blue occasions when no one is looking, are the ones that remain unanswered? Why is it that way?

I don't feel the pain that I usually do; I didn't realize this was what it was like to feel normal. I feel lame, like a 45 year old man learning how to walk. I feel like that life is good but it's boring. Utopia. Must be the reason why communism never really worked, and it was such a good idea too. Screw capitalism.

I feel like a cloud is hanging over my home. Where is my home?

Air. Clouds. Breathe.