ok heres the bottom line: the ticket to come visit you is coming out of my money. so seriously....no offense, dont waste my time and money. this sounds rude, and ya i guess it can be interpreted that way, but its not meant to be rude. im saying it realisticly because it just looks like you dont care either way. ur too wrapped up in your problems to break away for a sec and make some time for me. so make up ur mind, i love u to death may and all i want right now is for u to find ur place and ur friends and for me to be able to be there for u all the way.

And I thought about that a lot.

This is a part of the e-mail that I wrote to Ms. Hodge, my Sophomore English II teacher:

Hello Ms. Hodge!

No, this isn't an e-mail about an assignment or about a paper or test. I'm not even a student at Sion anymore! Can you guess who I am? Well enough with the supsense! It's May Miguel! You're favorite student in the world! :)

...How is Sion by the way? I do miss it so.

Sincerely,
Your former student,
May Miguel

Is it sad that I e-mail a teacher to talk about literature; when in truth, I e-mail her for the soul purpose to talk to someone. I don't know why but I thought about this a lot.

Last night Scott watched his game and didn't talk to me at all and I told him to call me to say good night. Right before we hung up, we got into a fight. I thought about that a lot too.

Do you ever get the feeling that something greater, bigger than you is watching you? Trying to give you some message that your ears just can't hear.

I dreamt a dream last night.

I dreamt a dream tonite
And so did I.
Well, what was yours?
That dreamers often lie.
~shakespeare

Megan, my old ex-best friend from elementary school was in it. I came up to her and said hello and how much I missed her. I don't think she said anything back; she just smiled. I remember I was in a library surrounded by all my sion friends and Ms. Hodge was talking to the class about how there were people 'pretending to be students,' I slouched in my chair hoping she wouldn't look at me. But when she said that the would penalize and never forgive a person who broke this rule, I ran out of that place as soon as possible. As I was running I ran into Dan and he told me to go back if it meant so much to me to be with my friends. Next scene: I'm in a foreign house and the doorbell rings and I answer the door and Jace is there. Jace. We talk for a long time in the kitchen and he tells me that he is traveling by himself, I give him food and money. He leaves. Next scene: I'm in a huge closet and I spend hours trying to pick an outfit for homecoming. I'm late and then I'm speeind on the highway I somehow cross the median because I kept changing lanes to pass people up; I lose control of the car. Then white. I wake up and there is this guidance counselor in that dark library saying that I killed 30 girls on a bus on their way to homecoming. Then I wake up for real. And I knew this dream by heart and I feel it all now as I'm reiterating myself. And I knew there was no way I could forget it, so I had to make sure, I got out a piece of paper and wrote in the dark what I remembered. I laid in bed for a long time and I knew it was only 4:30 without looking. And I felt I had an epiphany but I don't the profound realization was.

True, I talk of dreams;
Which are children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy;
~shakespeare