And I know it’s stupid to say this because I’ll never give you details because I’m way too scared to be vulnerable, even if it is just on some online diary.

I just want you to think more of me than you do. Because you don’t know me and that makes me scared because no one ever will. Not even the people I’m begging to understand.

I just feel nothing.

And it’s weird.

And none of this makes sense.

‘Cause there’s more to say than just what I have been. But I’m scared.

And today’s just nothing and that’s what it is, nothing.

And I just wish you’d understand without me verbally expressing it, ‘cause I need that right now, more than ever.

And I’m sorry.

‘Cause I am always this way.

It will never change.

You will love me less. And so will I.

So this is it?

I just wish that I could be okay with all of this without the world just waiting for me to make a mistake when I just want so badly for someone to understand what I'm screaming in my sleep.

Air. Clouds. Breathe.