I Can't Remember
Because slowly, I feel it, I'm forgetting everything I just thought, like a dream in the morning that you're dying to remember. And I'm scared that if this continues to happen, that I'll lose myself all together.
Last night, I sat up in my bed for an hour, and I thought. I've died. And I know that sounds melodramatic and really drama-queen-ish. And it is in someways because that was my nickname before. And I guess that makes you think lowly of me and everything that I'm saying is discredited because I'm just a 'dramaqueen,' but I swear its more than that. Let it prove it to you. And then I think to myself, When did May ever have to prove herself so badly?...and this freaks me out. Every part of it. Ever part of me is not the same as it was. A year ago I wouldn't write like this, I know it. I know that may sound trivial to you and I know you aren't even reading this but it's more than that to me. I need to have it down tangibly so I can remember, so I won't forget.
I've died.
I don't have anything of who I was before. Every memory is sort of blurred and I remember but it's not that great. And the feeling that I felt when I experienced is forgotten. And I'm worried that if every feeling of every memory I've had goes away, then some very important part of me will die, and I don't want it to. I'm not sure if I want to die yet. Because I am only 16. But that is old enough to know somethings in this world worth knowing, and I credit myself as someone that could be more profound that someone in their middle ages. And I guess that makes me concieded but I never meant it to.
...and I know you might not believe me but I really can't remember what I just wrote. I swear on my life on that. I'm going to have to re-read it to know what it was about.