I know you don't care and that's fine; I'll get over it in a little bit.

Wake me up.

I went to bed around 1:00 last night and I woke up around 8:30 and I rolled around for a bit because I hated the fact that it was new a day. I stuffed my face deeper into my pillow, pulling the covers over my head, and holding my breath in the process.

I laid in bed for 7 hours straight and I didn't want to move. And this is sick and I should probably get help but no one notices my dilemna because they think that I'll be okay, because I always am, because I'm damn good at pretending like everythings okay but its not; it really isn't.

Yesterday, I felt more broken in school than I ever have. I promised myself that I would never cry in front of anyone at school. But I think broke down and I did it infront of Zaynab.

I'm sorry.
Don't be.
You're sad.
I'm always sad.
I wish there was something I could do.
Me too.
Don't cry.
I won't.

I went out with her and Kim last night for Coffee and we talked for a good two hours. We went back to Zay's place for a little while. Afterwards, as we were leaving, Kim was driving, and she was trying to back out of the house, so she had to turn into the garage...She drove straight into the wall.

We didn't leave after that we just stayed at Zay's. And it was nice to go out and have friends again.

I thought about my old life a lot and it hurt.
And I thought I was about to die with the frustration
I'm dying up here
And no one notices

And I think, I think that the may you are reading now, and the May that worth knowing is slowly dying, and she is turning into someone else. I wish you met the old May. I wish you knew her. Because she was a good person and she made people smile. And she smiled because she had a family, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend. And now, may shuns everyone. Even God. And she is ashamed but she is lost. And she's trying to find a way out on her own, but it's taking a while, because she is alone.

And I wish you would saying something. Because I need someone to care right now. And I feel betrayed by my own thoughts. I feel betrayed by all that I once loved. And I wish I could hate the world but I don't. I wish I could throw rocks at it and draw ugly pictures of it, like when I was young and I hated a bully. I wish I wasn't dying. I really do. And you think I'm melodramatic. But I need someone to hold me. I'm gonna fuck up. I know it. And I want to; that way I'll feel alive.

You know, I wonder if they'll laugh when I am dead
Why am I fighting to live,
if I'm just living to fight
Why am I trying to see,
when there aint nothing inside
Why I am I trying to give,
when no one gives me a try
Why am I dying to live,
if I'm just living to die
Edgar Winter

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