Halloween
Today was Halloween and people dressed up. Boys had fake blood crusted on their faces and girls wore angel and devil outfits. Good Vs. Evil. More evil, if you ask me. There was a girl dressed up in a pink bunny outfit, puffy cotton ball tail and all; I guess all the guys thought she was sexy because she got a lot of looks. In place of costumes people wore colors of orange and black. I thought about the color of orange and how it is Scott's favorite color. I thought about how he wore an orange shirt during Sion's fall dance on September 19 last year. And I remember the way I had put my arms around his neck when someone was taking a picture of me and my friends. I remember the way he came over to my house before and after and how he was quiet because he didn't know my brother or my sister and he felt awkward; and I just smiled because he was right beside me and that was enough. And I think it's funny that I remember those details, even the date. And I remember and I stop and I don't know what to feel.
I could hardly keep my head up during Algebra II, I didn't pay attention to the drowned out explanations of the mistakes I erred on my test. Since it was Halloween, I guess Mr. Fett, after making his explainations of 'you failed because..." felt that playing heads up - 7 up would be fun; I hadn't realized how God-awful it was to play when no one liked you. I kept my head down and prentended to sleep. I didn't want to be chosen and embarressed because people didn't know my name and vice versa. Someone touched my hand even though my thumb wasn't even out. I think they did it to mock me. And I was embarresed but no one noticed because my face was buried into my arms. For a second I thought I was back at Sion with my friends because it felt like someone wanted me to participate in the geame. I thoguht I heard my friends calling my name in the middle of that Algebra II class.
C'mon May! Don't be such a bum. Play!
I'm tired!
C'mon have fun! Heads up 7 up owns!
You guys are dorks...
Please? For us? ...I won't share my lunch with you if you don't put your damn head down stick that funny looking thumb of your up!
...Okay... :P
And it felt ghostly all together; I felt like someone was taunting and mocking me because I'm alone up here.
During drives ed., which is more of a study hall now, I sat next to the wall and I thought about being back at home in Lees Summit. I thought about going to a party and having fun like I use to. I thought about getting ready in my old room, showering in my old bathroom, and using my old phont tocall my friends to see what time we were going out. And I felt empty. I thought about last Halloween and how I went over to Scott's house. I remember watching E.T because Scott viewed it as a 'horror flick,' and he thought that the alien with the glowing heart was scary. I thought he was being cute and silly. I remember how he answered the door wearing an extra small chiefs jersey and I just dressed up as me. I remember, this is the first time, I ever went to his house and I was a little nervous. I remember arriving late because I had to beg my mom to let me go. Because she believed that it was inappropriate for me to go to a 'boys' house. I remember telling him I was late because I was doing an essay. And I remember him whispering in my ear that he didn't believe me. I remember watching the movie with him with my head right by his. I remember looking up and seeing his eyes looking at the screen and I remember the soft breathing when I laid my hand on his chest. I remember how my hands seemed so small next to his but he held them anyway, like they were too precious to let go. I remember the slow kisses and the soft mingling of the eyeslashes on skin...and I'm going to stop now because I don't think I can type anymore...