...When I know that there's no point in trying? I don't know why I submitted my diary to 5 different reviewers in less than 5 minutes.

Why do I do this to myself?

...Maybe I thought that they could read between the lines and actually see who I was compared to who I was trying to be, that way I wouldn't have to say it verbally or write it tangibly but they would know. And that was it. They would see it as some girl trying to cover who she really was...even in an online diary. And maybe they'd feel something. And even though I've never met them, they would care. I guess that's a lot to ask for. And now I feel stupid. Or maybe because I'm bitter that I got a bad 'score,' but it doesn't matter. Because no one reads in deeper than what they're given and I guess I just haven't given much. Because I hold back, hoping that someone would say something, hoping someone would notice that I'm not the same girl as, ndslotesse, that I've grown up. But I still am deep; I wish I didn't say that because it makes me sound concieded. But I'm not. And this is frustrating because I hate explaining myself because I'm lacking in words. But I wish you understood that I can't write like that anymore because I've changed. I forget that not everyone that passes by here, or read this, even knows what I wrote in ndslotesse. Perhaps, I even regressed back into being a kid, because I put entries, like this and this. But I guess you tend to over look that I've been saying that I'm trying to make this place 'light-hearted,' because I could never go back to being this girl, ndslotesse. I guess I'm stupid because I believed you would read in deeper than that. And even now, I'm verbalizing it, because I really need that angel. And I guess I'm only making a fuss because it was a cry for help and I forgot they were just going to judge me. Silly me. I forget that people don't see.