After I wrote my previous entry I called Jessica even though it was around 2:00 in the morning. It just seemed very important at the time. She told me to drink water and eat some bread. I kept asking her whether or not she was mad at me, I couldn't shake it off. I was so paranoid and I don't know why. Maybe it was because it was late at night and my eyes still felt like they were popping out of my head.

My cell phone rung when I was talking to Jess on the main line. It was 2:45 in the morning. My brother. I think I know why he called and I was scared because he was online while I was typing my entry. It must have been the paranoia. I called him after I hung up with Jess.

Hello? Are you awake? Did I wake you?
Yeah, I was sleeping.
You called my cell phone.
I know.
Did you need something?
No, I just wanted to talk.
(pause) This late at night?
Yeah.
(pause) Don't be mad...
...It's okay, May, I know.
You read (my diary)?
Yeah.
(pause) Are you okay?
I think so.

And we just talked. And it was in a nice way because I was scared he was going to yell at me. And I was afraid because I didn't want to be yelled at. He came home Kairos the day before. And I think that makes the world of a difference. I don't know what exactly Kairos is but all the Seniors go. It is this life altering inspirational...thing. Lowerclass men don't know because it is a secret. So I would try to explain what made my brother really nice that night but I can't. Because I've never been to Kairos. But I'm glad he went because he was real nice at a time when I thought he would yell. I know you don't care whether or not my brother went to Kairos or that he was nice at a time when I was scared. I know it's not a big deal but it is to me. And, in the future, when I'm scared, or do something stupid, I might read this entry and remember some good things.

...If that makes sense at all.

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