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I guess I don't have to say and I guess I shouldn't have a need to update but I feel like typing so bear with me.
Obviously, I'm stupid and got my information wrong. (Thanks Jess).
I'm not in the mood for confrontation but I love the way you express things towards me. It makes me feel the world better when I come home from school and read semi-flaming message on my guestbook. #3 Miss you. Right back at you.
I guess I don't really know what to say because I feel like I'm trying to prove myself without writing something that just sounds melodramatic and self-pitiful. And I don't know how to do that.
My life isn't that bad.
So I'm not trying to make everything like, "Woe is me." or some shakespeare crap like that. Everything just seems sort of lost in a way. And I guess I'm trying not to feel a bit put down from that comment that was said. And I feel so fucked over because I'm sensitive enough to let something trivial get to me and that's just effin wrong. It makes me think about where my priorities lie. It makes me think about what made me upset because it's nothing to be really upset over. And everything just gets really annoying because I'm trying real hard to not be bothered by being up here and by the realization that he doesn't love me anymore.
And I guess I just need the people who I think will always be there for me. But I don't want pity parties. I guess that I haven't spoken to anyone about what's going inside my head because I want to deal with it on my own, because I don't need anyone's fake sincerity. Because I don't really want to talk about him in anyway because I'm not in the mood to dwell in my thought. And I guess that this is the first time I've cried since he left and felt like bawling. I guess it's because I feel kinda like no matter how much people care that they don't care enough; and I remember that no matter how alone I felt I knew that I could come to him because he loved me and that's just sorta gone now. And it makes me think about if he knew what I was going through right now, would he care? And my tears just taste different. And I don't know why. And I really don't talk about him. I swear to God. I usually keep thoughts of him to myself. I never utter his name except in my faded memories right before I go to bed or when I daydream in mathclass. And if tangibly at all is usually written in this diary and goes no further. I guess I've never had a chance to really let it out because I can do this on my own without anyone helps. I guess I'm just sort of sensitive is all right now in a time when I don't feel a goddamn thing.
I'm not sure if I should apolgize for anything. It just feels like I made a mistake in this entry somehow or offended someone in some way. And I don't know where I'm getting this from because I know that if you don't know me, then this entry won't make sense to you. I guess I'm just rambling; ignore me.
...Oh, and sorry.