...in just the way I am.

There wasn't anything splendid that happened today. Nothing splendid ever happens here in St. Charles. We were taking roll call in Chemistry today and I could barely keep my eyes open I was so tired from staying up late last night, which I never do. I heard Mr. Chemistry teachers voice boom and say, 'Hasn't anyone seen Christina?' and my head hurt.

God help you if you are an ugly girl
Course too pretty is also your doom
Cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
For the prettiest girl in the room
~Ani Difranco

He has that low, deep but very loud voice that you associate with all Football Coaches, which is what he is outside of the classroom. I couldn't take the loud noise and the smell of chemicals so I asked if I could go to the water fountain and McChemistry (Mr. McCall - Chemistry Teacher - 8th hour - Last effin period of the day) said yes. After I went to get a drink; I walked into the ladies bathroom to take a piss. And I found Christina. She was crying. And I stopped and looked at her and she looked back at me.

Christina?
(Looks at me)
Don't cry.
(silent)
What's wrong?
I'm just so stressed.
School?
Yeah. I have 3 tests to make up and all this work and I can't keep up with it all. It's my boyfriends birthday and I can't see him tonite.
School is a bitch.
(smile) Heh, yeah.
I'm sure you can do it all even if it is going to be tiring.
I guess.
Don't cry.
(smile) ...
Do you need a hug?
(Hug)

Afterwards we walked to the Chemistry Lab together. And I got real quiet for the rest of the hour. I didn't realize my subdued manner until Zaynab, after school, asked me why I wasn't speaking and why I kept looking down. And it's funny that a girl that I am often annoyed with, along with her group of friends, could affect me. That everyday since school started she hasn't said much except for, 'What did we do in Chemistry (or Algebra)?' That everyday in Algebra II, I hear her and her friends giggle behind their hands at some inside joke. And talk about other people who don't look half as good as they do wearing that expensive Guess shirt. That I could feel compassion and empathy and express concern for a girl who doesn't look my way very often in a school that blurs faces together. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone because I'm not. And this entry isn't some ego trip where I am saying that "I'm the better person," because I'm not. I just glad that I remembered that I do care about people despite the fact that I don't know them that well; also that everyone is just as human as me. That it doesn't matter if what they are going through is extreme what matters is that they still feel pain. And I do hope she is okay even if what she is going through may not be much...trivial, but she's going through it anyway. She feels something and I guess I do too. I hope she is okay and getting her work done. And I guess this sounded all melodramtic. I guess I just never grew out of the fact that I don't like seeing anyone hurt...ever.