Fucking Dumb
I feel so damn dumb right now. I would tell you why but I'm not even sure. I could blame it on all of things but then it would become a vicious cycle where I am just trying to keep myself 'clean.' When in truth it is me who probably carries the most fault.
I was talking to my brother earlier when he called and I was just flipping through the channels on t.v.
Moulin Rouge. The Rock. Music Videos. Charmed.
I guess I just started rambling and that's where I am right now. The effort of my own rambling.
Do you have any goals, May May?
Yeah.
What are they?
Graduate Highschool. Graduate College. You know the deal...
And what are you doing to get there?
I thought we just had this conversation ...Nothing. Absolutely nothing right now.
May, those aren't goals. Well... then those are dreams.
So, I'm dreaming. And I've become dumb because I just got the first D in my entire life and it is 4 days 'till the end of semester with finals coming up so all chances of actually bring it up is shot to hell. I guess I shouldn't have plagiarized that paper in Ancient World, maybe then I wouldn't have gotten a 'Zero,' maybe then I wouldn't have gotten a 'D.' Maybe then. If only.
Fuck "if only's."
They aren't getting me anymore. And I have no right to blame others for my own mistake, when it is obviously on my shoulders.
I'm just so through with that teenage angst shit.
I'm not about to go 'woe is me.' It's such a turn off.
I'm not going to tell you what I got on my PSATs. And I'm not trying to be like, 'I really got a good score but I'm trying to be modest.' No...I actually sucked. I actually am very stupid.
LISTEN TO THE ARTICULATION OF THIS ENTRY! Dear God, when did I become completly incompetent? When did all hopes of becoming someone worth being fail? When did my goals just turn into far-fetched dreams? Why am I sounding like 'woe is me?' Eh, fuck it. That's not what I am intending.
I just happened to turn out to be a normal girl, one of which I never wanted to be. I just turned out to be someone that I would never have liked to meet. I just turned out to far from who I thought I was. I just turned out to be just ...some sorry fuck.
To tell you the truth, I'm haven't felt any different from the first word. So why continue this entry? No reason. Let's stop now.