ADD
I have come to the conclusion that I have acquired ADD.
I know you might think that I might be exaggerating but I'm not. I took an ADD pill, a long time ago, and there were no affects on me; I felt exactly the same. What does that say?
I find that I really can't pay attention to my classes at all. I find that even now... when people are talking that I can't pay attention. That I find myself wondering what they just said? That as soon as I start something, like kicking off my dad for the computer to finish off an assignment that I just went directly to diaryland and started typing this entry. And then just realized as I looked at the menu bar exactly what it is that I should be doing.
I know that if I really do have ADD that I should probably try and get a prescription. But I couldn't tell my parents. I am assuming that they are going to take it as a sign of 'weakness,' that the problem only resides in my head. The problem is not the fact that I can't focus but it is in the strength of my person that holds me back.
It's not that I can't pay attention to just the boring things, I can't pay attention when someone is talking about something interesting in an enthusiastic way.
Maybe this is just a part of growing up and that it's not really a problem. Maybe it is all in my head. Maybe I'm just worrying about nothing.
But the thought haunts me that I still might be. This all ties into yesterday's entry about me being incompetent. This all ties into me suddenly losing intelligence, and most important of all, depth.
God, when did I change so much? (This is not angsty, believe me. Just ranting) I thought that it was perhaps just my feelings and emotions but no, it is my over all person, it is everything that I've come and known to be that is somehow fading.
I'm not trying to melodramatic. I'm dead serious. If you knew, damn, if you only knew. I wish I could make you understand. The only way to do that is to know me. How could you understand, if you never met me before, if this is the first time you've even known that I existed ...through digital font in the internet diaryland world?
::Throws hands up:: I give up. This is it. I don't even know where I'm trying to go with all of this. It's just it's all too much to handle. And maybe not much at all. Maybe I'm fretting over nothing.
Yeah, nothing. Absolutely nothing.