This Plain Girl
Everyone is going to get far. As far as they wanna get.
You know in movies ...they make it seem like the people who have it all, who are the prettiest, who get all the guys, who have all the fun ...are the ones who don't have anything at the end?
They are wrong.
They makes those movies for people like me. They makes those movies to manufacture a sense of false security. Because people pity us. They make the dorky people, the losers, the people who get shit on every day, conquer in the end, but that's just an idealistic hope.
What they don't tell you in real life is that the people who have it the best in the beginning ...usually keep the best. That watching those movies only spark a false hope for those who feel like they have none.
They try and make the popular kids seem bad but they aren't all that bad. Some of them are really nice. Some of them aren't. And the really nice ones go very far. And some of the really means do too.
Sometimes karma misses a few people. Sometimes karma hits the wrong person. And the mistake goes unnoticed. Sometimes people like me, people like you, are the ones who get left behind.
Sometimes the plain girls, who aren't losers, but the ones who just blend into the wall, are the most unfortunate. Sometimes these girls are the ones who have it real hard. Sometimes these girls are the ones who feel the most pain because they are the ones who truly don't exist. Sometimes I'm okay with all of this. Sometimes I don't mind that I'm this way.
I just pretend that those movies are true, that those idealistic false hopes can really happen some day & I know that they do. But it's no one that I ever know ...and it is never me.
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And this entry isn't trying to be all 'woe is me,' but it's just got that quiet kind of sad that I always feel.
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And I'm one of those girls. I'm just the girl who blends into the wall. Who's not smart. But who's not dumb. Who's not beautiful. But who's not ugly.
I'm just this plain girl.
And there's nothing special inside either. The plain girls that get far are smart and beautiful in the inside and that why people like them. But there is nothing extraordinary about what I have inside of me.
When I was a kid, during lunch time, I remember I wanted one of those fun cooler lunchboxes that kept lunches at the temperature you first put your food in, because I thought that if I had one, I would get something better at lunch. That whatever was inside that cooler type of lunchbox would feed me better food, nourish me, into something more than what I was.
When I was a kid, during lunch time, I didn't like having a brown paper bag. I didn't like it because it was plain. I didn't like it because no one thought it was pretty. I didn't like it because it made me feel unpretty.
I still brought my lunch everyday in a brown paper bag.
But I just realized, when I took the moment to really see, that some of the girls that brought the more advanced-keep yourfood warm or cool-lunch boxes didn't always have the best food. And that some of the kids, who brought the plain brown paper bags, decorated theirs with markers & pulled out snackpacks while some of the other cooler-lunchboxes pulled out carrots.
So none of it mattered.
Because there was an exception to every rule. Sometimes the nice lunchboxes would carry good food and sometimes it wouldn't.
Same goes for the plain brown bag.
That I shouldn't judge or want things just because I thought it would carry something more special.
That lunchboxes are just lunchboxes.
That I really shouldn't make analogies to something so insignificant and trivial when I really mean to say that I'm just a brown paper bag with nothing yummy inside.
Nothing special.
That I am a plain girl and I'm not going to win that nobel peace prize or that pulitizer. That I am going to get far but not that far, nothing noteworthy, nothing written in books.
It may seem like I'm putting myself through all this pressure, all these high standards, but I'm not.
'Cause if I were, I'd be there by now.
And I'm not.
I'm not there.
There are no absolute aphorisms that over rule all exceptions... People who are beautiful and mean often get far anyway, even if it seems unfair, and hoping that they aren't because they are hurtful, is just you being stupid. That if you want to get far anywhere life, it doesn't matter what lunchbox you carry, that those kind of trivial comparisions, don't matter in the real world.
That you can't believe what they tell you in movies ... in books ... in the media. That there is hardly truth in this world. And with everything that is sad ...comes infinite shades of gray.
Fuck aphorisms.
Don't believe that just because you are plain gives you a better chance than anyone else. Don't believe that just because you are going through something unbearable or traumatic, doesn't grant you a gaurantee that things will get better. That movies and books lie when they say that the plain girl is going to get anywhere ...because the world does NOT owe anything to them.
Because the beautiful girl will always be beautiful.
There is no such thing as 'revenge of the nerds.' There is no such thing as cinderella. There is no such thing as a the fat acne-faced girl winning Ms. Universe.
People feed you lies. They raise hopes. Only because they need to hope themselves. What you have to learn is that life is pain. But life is happiness too. If you look, you will find. Nothing in life is a gaurantee. Aphorisms, fairytales, and hopes are for the dreamers and well, sorry to say, but the dreamers don't get that far.