But I hate to say that because it makes me feel nostalgic in some way because of Scott. Because the summer I met him, it rained a lot, and we both loved it. Each other and the rain. I remember talking to him, getting to know him, and falling for him, while it rained. & whenever I think about him, I get that rain feeling, it's sort of tranquil and quiet in a way. & it's nostalgia in a bottle, that makes that quiet kind of sad fill my eyes.

Yesterday, I spent an hour sitting on the floor of my shower just thinking and listening to my new burned CD. I talked to myself outloud and said things to myself that you can only say when your alone because the vulnerability of saying it infront of someone else could slowly take you down in pieces from embarresment.

I realized that what I've learned is that Happiness doesn't last but it's great while it does and that, well, that's worth living for.

I realized that most of a time people aren't as sad as they think they are when they're 'depressed,' because they know deep down that life is really good, but they're just scared to live it.

I realized that even if your family or everyone that you love leaves you and all your world turns to ashes, the world really doesn't stop for your grief and tomorrow will come despite it all.

& in the silence of these realizations I came up with a riddle which I whispered in the shower water falling like rain. "I am a luxury everyone can afford but no one can buy. What am I?" I smiled a sad smile at the thought of the answer and closed my eyes and let the shower water seal my body in a warm slipery blanket & I breathed that rain feeling all over again.