Whatever
I have Talks Shows on Mute on repeat and I can't help but think of ...nothing. Because right now, nothing comes to mind. I'm sort of blank but in the good way, if you could call being blank good. All I'm saying is it's not that 'sad' kind of blank, where you have to feel blank in fear of pain. Because I'm not in pain. I'm quite ...
I spent two hours trying to alter a pair of my pants and after all that time I realized they were too small and I didn't leave enough room for my butt, so it sags down to my ass crack.
What a waste.
Maybe I'll wear it around the house. I'm sure my dog won't mind. She can spend the entire day licking her asshole. I hope she doesn't get any ideas about licking mine. But, you'd have to admit what a sensation that would be.
It's just strange I didn't get frustrated for spending all that time on a lousy pair of pants that came out wrong.
Today is the same day as the day before that. I guess I was praying too hard that something might happen worth mentioning in my diary and all I got to show for it was: A 1 1/2 inch metal machine bolt in my Ice Tea during lunch today. For a second I took it to be discolored ice but after I had heard the clunking sound, I knew that I was very wrong. I went up to the Lunch Ladie's to complain but they refused to let the news sink in. I'm sure they were ashamed of their lack of duties because they take so much pride in their work, so I forgave the little incident. I shrugged it off and went to Study Hall. The end. I guess I either prayed too hard or not enough. Because hottdamn! What an exciting day.
I'm not going to go on about something that isn't really worth talking about (even though I just did). So what I'm going to say is: I'm all right, that I've finally realized that no matter how much things hurt or how bad things get ... ::shrug:: That it doesn't matter. Because you'll be suprised in about a year or so ... you won't give a flying fuck nothing really changes, because life is just like that. If you die, you die. If you live, you live. All the tears that you cry in sorrow over this is just in vain because tears really don't save you. Personally, I think tears are weak, so if you start crying infront of me, don't expect me to say any words of comfort unless I like you, or if it's worth crying over.
Mascara cost too much nowadays for it to be carelessly running down your face.
Anyway, today's a friday night and I have nothing to do really. Perhaps go over to Esthers and Angela and do absolutely fucking nothing. But that's just how life is sometimes. Sometimes you get delt a shit hand & all the rest of the cards weren't in your favor either. So you were stuck with an off suit 2/7 and the flop is a royal flush hand & you know someone got it by the way their face lights up. So you fold. Anyway, that was my show-off explanation of Poker, Hold 'Em.
I'm not as sad as you think, so don't read any deeper into this entry with some pyschological explanation. Let it go.