One Sentence
I hate it when the people I need the most don't need me. Like you're the only who cares at all. You're the only who makes the effort to try. You're the only who makes the calls, or texts, or e-mails, or whatever. It's all you.
I hate how everything feels wrong but nothing is. So you aren't allowed to complain but you can't shake whatever you're feeling. It's so fuckin' irritating. All of it.
It's just that today was like everyday but little idiosyncrasies are noticable. Like one of the boys that I find the most attractive is going to prom with some girl that I know who is really nice. I can't complain because I've never really met him and she is one of the few people who ever made me feel welcome at this school.
It's just that I got my schedule wrong because I am suppose to stay with Esther tomorrow evening because my parents are leaving town for a conference and not wendsday or thursday, like I told her. I just hate the inconvenience.
It's just that I am going to be taking the ACTs this week and I know I'm not prepared.
It's just that I make all this effort to be still be close to my old friends because ...I'm scared it won't feel the same next year. & it doesn't matter to them where I am because I just realized that no one cares half as much as I do.
It's just so...
God. So many things. So many damn things.
It's just that I can't convey all the things I'm really thinking or feeling because I don't want to make them real by saying them outloud ...or even have the tangibiliy of them written in words. It's just the little things that move me the most. They reach a place that I can't describe. It's just that I am so hurt over so many things but I forgot how to deal with pain so I'm not sure what to do. It's about pride. I could never tell you honestly everything about anything. & I think that makes me a liar. & there is guilt for some reason for all of this. Because I'm scared to be so vulnerable. I'm just making a big something out of nothing. So I'm going to be quiet now. Shh...