Right Now
I'm thinking to myself how important and pointless all of this really is. How everything can be the exact same opposite of everything else exactly at the same time. I'm not sure if I'm upset or bored or exhausted. All I know is I'm one of the three, if not all of them.
I'm just saying that reanalyzing your life can be a hard blow to reality after the pretending is over. It's so much easier to drown myself in forget-me-nots, I'll-do-'em-laters, or I-just-don't-cares. But times eventually nabs you on the ass and slowly crawls up the crack. & now you have something in your ass, making you a cranky bitch, and whenever you sit down you are reminded of it. I guess I should take a walk.
It's just that I've never felt more dumb since 1st grade when I didn't know how to read. When I get a terrible score on my ACTs and reminded of my stupid decision to get stoned off my ass the night before. I would share my score but what's the point of shaming and embaressing myself in public? Shh. I'll never tell.
It's just that right now I realized that this year has been shot to hell because I couldn't be flexible about it. I might have screwed up all chances of going to a good college because I was too fuckin' obdurate to give this place a shot. Now I have bad grade and a retard-score on the ACTs.
I'm just worried and all. I guess I'm just tired of all the flowery shit that I write in this diary. It's just about time to be real. It's just about time to just forget about me being the center of the world (even though I am. Haha.)
There are just so many things I want to say but can't because it's not going to make a difference if I keep it to myself or make it tangible with digital font. It's just that my life keeps spinning on it's side and I'm doing back-flips, hand-springs, and more than a 180 to catch up with it.