I swear to you that I'm happy. It's just my new sleeping pattern makes me think twice. I know that it's the summer but when I think about it ...that's not an excuse this time. If I go to bed around 10 I wake up around 2 in the morning. If I go to bed around 12 I wake up around 4 in the morning. This is the way it works now. And then after I wake up at around 2 or 4 in the morning I stay awake until about 6 and then wake up around 10 every morning. I guess this only bothers me because this is how I use to sleep when something hurt me. This is how I use to sleep when something was wrong. This is how I use to sleep when I didn't want to be awake to experience anything but couldn't sleep.

I need to calm it down. No more suprise calls to scott. No more thinking that messing with other boys is gonna change any of this. All these other boys. And these two boys in particular that I just can't get my find off of. That I'm just to scared to talk about right now. I need to calm it down.

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