I'm writing in here 'cause I actually have something to say. These aren't just random words involved. Of course it will seem like that to you 'cause you have no idea what is going on in my life right now 'cause I haven't uttered a single thing.

So why...

I'm almost regretful. Almost. I'm not sure if coming back was the right answer. And does it matter? I'm back anyway. This is how it is suppose to be. I knew it was going to fall short of my dreams which is why I braced myself before I left to cushion the pain.

What was I suppose to do? Stay?

And I'm reanalyzing everything right now. My entire life. The reason why I am here... I just knew the springbreak I came back that nothing in this world ...over here... would be the same. That I had molded myself into a new person to surivive in my chicago world. And now... My shape doesn't match Kansas City. My shape doesn't match Sion. It's putting me into a different cookie cutter and I've already been baked. I'm just trying to put on the sprinkles and they keep crumbling off.

It's just that I can't be sad if I am down here. There is too much at stake.

And I know what you are thinking 'cause in the beginning of all of this, in the "Breathe," entry. In all of these entries ... I was dying to come back.

So I'm back.

What now?

Last Next