The Pre-Party
We were born in the summer ya know. The summer of 2002. I was a freshman when we first met and 15 when I first said, "I love you," ...and meant it.
I just wanted to say that I think I love him all over again. And it's been a while because we've been together all this year and we've made it. We made it through all of the torment of getting back together after a rough rocky year during Junior year. And the point is, I think it be the same as I left the first time when I moved, but the point is I'm hoping that it won't be.
I got my graduation dress and invitations yesterday and everything is almost final. And I'm trying hard to be okay with the fact that we aren't going to the same college. I have to send my intent to enroll by May 1st and I'm just procastinating because I'm scared. Just scared.
After prom everything will be down hill. And everything will be a landslide, that fast.
The thing is that I have two F's in my classes and the rest are probably C's because I'm procastinating and not turning in my work. The point is I'm just trying to stall time. And perhaps not doing my homework or not getting my prom dress yet will make this year last longer. I'm not sure what will happen when it ends and I go back up to Chicago.
The thing is I'm scared because I leave for the 630 four days after graduation. And that is just not enough time. I won't be able to attend my friends graduation parties, even make it to any parties at all, or even be there when Scott turns 18.
The point is I keep saying the point is because I'm just scared. Because I'm worried that if I write this at all, it makes all my worries tangible. And now I have to face them. But I had to lay them bare before me. I had to see what it was that's making me the way I am. All this sentimentality cannot be healthy. I'm going to ball like a baby when graduation comes. I'm just going to break down. This is all I know. And what will I know when I leave highschool? That is the irony. I go to highschool and learn all these things about pythagoram theorem's, how to conjugate a gazillion verbs in french, every work of shakespeare, how to write a sestine, why Balanus barnacles overtake the low tide.
The point is I'm sick right now and I'm coughing up a storm. And the reason why I don't have school today is the Pope passed away and I go to a Catholic school, so we had to have off for such an event. But no one was probably going to wake up at 3 in the morning as sad as that is.
The point is I need to lay back down before I start to get really sad.