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It's pouring outside right now. Absolutely pouring. It's been like this for a good few hours. I was at work earlier and it was beautiful because the sky was dark. I love the moment before a huge thunderstorm begins. It's quiet and everything get's really dramatic. You know what I mean. It's the pouring kind, not the drizzyingly, or the slight rain. It's the kind where all you hear is rain and there is slight vibration from the roof to your bedsheets and pillows. It sounds just like a waterfall. I love it.
I can't really sleep. Today was the last final I'll ever take at Sion. And I don't even know what to say about that. It's strange. Just the weirdest feeling in the world not to be a high school student. I'm sentimental; I can't help it.
I know I shouldn't think about how I've done so many 'last' things. Like, this will be the last time I will ever take this test in this room in this seat. This will be the last time I will ever be tardy to this class. This will be the last time I will be able to open my locker, walk to north campus, pull up to my parking spot. All of this seems really trivial. But I'm so sensitive; I can't help it.
I think the rain is really symbolic, even if it isn't. I know that I'm trying to make something out of nothing. But I can't help it. I feel just so strane. That I'm having the hardest time trying to figure out what I want to say. The veins are visible on the back of my hands because typing this is causing me that much stress. But the rain is nice because I know when I lay down, it will be nice to listen to.
I just read a good book that Jess made me read during freshman year. And it made me nostalgic. I just miss my innocence and childhood. I know that growing up is something that I will have to do, but I'm just not ready.
I'm getting really sad and I don't know why. I know that this entry really isn't worth reading. But the point was not to impress you, but to relieve myself.
I'm getting pretty unbearable now. But not the visible kind. Nobody could tell I was upset if they glanced in my direction in my dark room. I'm just saying that I'm holding it in because that is what Scott taught me.
I'm going to remember this moment. This 11:50 in the evening. This moment. Because I know it won't last. I know because this is how I get sometimes at moments like this. This is the last moment I'll ever have of this. This 11:52 on Courtney's birthday.
I'm getting really sad, I really must be going.