It's a gorgeous day and I just woke up to my back hurting and my sigh tasting more bitter than it had been before. Maybe my stomach hurts because I'm spoon-feeding myself lies. All I can think about is tomorrow and the day after that because today is the day that I don't want to experience. Because tomorrow is definetly greener than today.

And it's not even so much that I'm sad. But bored. or Lonely. Or whatever you'd like to name it. I guess I am happy but not in the good way, just normal, like I'm trying really hard to be okay and be happy that way I won't be sad that he's not around anymore.

If any of that made any sense.

All I know is that I'm grateful that the days have been beautiful. The weather has been god-thanking. And all of this seems just to contradicting for me to accept.

How could I be okay with everyday that I don't want to experience? Or live.

I guess I don't have anything else to say, because it's only 12:20 and the day is half over in the eyes of a child. Good thing I'm 18 and by all books the day is still very young.

Wish me luck.

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