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I know the only time I really write in this diary is when I'm lonely. So do I really have to say it? It's not as bad as before.
I remember during my junior year my brother told me that I needed to learn how to adapt. It was the reason why I tortured myself to go back to Kansas City. He told me that change was inevitable and I needed to learn how to bite my lip and bear it. He told me that I myself did not have to change but I had to learn to mold myself to my environment, my surroundings. I guess it's all about the survival of the fittest.
I guess evolution catches up with us all.
I'm not as you would think. As much as you would believe in relation to how much I'm writing here.
I just can't sleep. I went to bed a little bit before twelve and I have stayed up this entire time reading 'The Da Vinci Code.'
I walked away when I finished page 309. The book is laying in my bed underneath my pillow next to my kid cousin. We both hate to sleep by ourselves.
A long time ago when the book first came out. I was talking to Jess about it and she was describing a passage from it. It explains how sex was an act to get closer to God. 'Orgasm as prayer.' How for an instant man experiencing a complete blank euphoria.
...Scott. scott. scott...
That's all I can think about.