I'm a daydreamer and I can't help it. And I haven't written in forever, so I know for damn sure this is not going to sound very nice. But I don't mind. I have a lot on my mind. And the point of this entry is for my future self --- that way when I look back in the future and I am reading this --- I know. I know what is going on in my life.

I just finished watching two movies. The first movie I watched with my mother, father, and sister. My brother is still at school taking finals; he'll be home next week. The first movie was The Island with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johanson. I think that's how you spell her name even though I know it is wrong and I am tempted to look it up for spelling sake. But, I don't think I will. I just want to type and see what comes out of my fingers. I'm just out of sorts lately. I never realy understood that phrase, but I think I like it --- because I think it expresses how I feel. Did you notice that? Did you notice that you say phrases that you don't even understand? I know I won't want to read this in the future because it's a load of bull --- but at least I know what happened to day twenty years from now. THe second movie, I watched with my father because my sister went upstairs to sleep and my mother decided to do some business things online and clean. It was the fantastic four but I wasn't sleep nor was I in the mood to get online or clean. So I watched it.

I sleep a lot now. I sleep a lot when I come home because there isn't much of anything else to do since I am in St. Charles and not in Kansas City. I don't have friends here even after these past few years. The only friends that I have are my brother and my sister and that is enough for me. It makes me that much closer to them. People wonder why we are so close and I think it is partially because of the situations that we are placed in. When we were younger in Philedelphia, the three of us shared one bedroom for seven years. My sister just entered her teenage years when we left and my brother was prepubscent in his pre-teen years and I was trying to hold on to what was left of my childhood for as long as I could. Seven years is a long time not to get close to someone. Although, we are all adjusting to chicago suburbia life --- deep down inside we are still part of kansas city. We still talk about it sometimes because we all have something in common with it. We could all take one car down there for a road trip and stay with individual people --- because that's where our friends are. People come home from college and they are happy because they get to see the people that they left behind when they left for college but not me or my brother or my sister. We don't home to them. We aren't able to pick up the phone and call one of our best friends and ask what they are doing or invite them over. It doesn't work that way for us. The only ones we truly have is each other.

I have reasons to cry, but I don't. I just sit there and I know that I am sad but I'm tired of being sad. My head hurts a lot probably because I sleep too much. My body constantly aches. It's okay though because I'm not that upset. I know that I am sad, but I'm really not sad. I get like this when I'm back home and I'm trying my best not to be.

I just really don't like myself right now, but I know that I should because I have to like myself before anything good happens.

I just wanted to type whatever it was that was on my head that way I don't have to think about it anymore.

Goodnight.

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