I like being able to control what I’m thinking because it makes me feel powerful. I like to write because it writing a stream of consciousness helps declutter my mind. As time passes, the more information a person processes. There is only so much that we can retain in our ‘right now’ minds and only repetition can keep a memory or information stored and filed away in the cabinets of long term memory.

I miss writing only because it made me feel special, more than the person who I was on a daily basis. More than who I showed everyone else during the day in a public scene. Behind close doors I can write freely and think whatever I want without being judge. I think I miss writing a lot. I think I miss it more than I know.

It makes me feel powerful. Like it is the greatness aspect of myself. It is what makes me great. And I almost hate not to pursue it. But I want to become better in all aspects of my life and not just something that comes naturally to me. I want to challenge self to pursue something that forces me to push myself. That forces me to use discpine and determination. If I pursued something that just came easy to me – life would be too easy. I can write on the side. I can be happy writing like this to myself at night when no one’s around. And no one else has to read but me. No else need know my thoughts.

These are my private thoughts. These are the things that I only think. And the true foundation and basis of who I am. Thoughts are you who you are. ‘Cogito, ergo sum.” I think therefore I am. And all these words right now that I’m typing and the all words that you read that were mine – are me. They are who I am. They make me great.

Man. I miss writing.

But I’ve developed a true fondness for the sciences and mathematics. I’ve grown a respect and appreciation for the technical and law-based science of this world. I like it because it is knowledge. And knowledge is power. And I love feeling in control.

I am in control of my thoughts and it makes me formidable. Unattainable. Invincible.

I love where I am right now. I love who I am becoming. I am always happy. And life is always great. And I become better everyday. And excellence is only a step away. And the world is at my disposal. And my goal is to inspire. That is my ultimate goal. I want to be the woman that inspires people just by my presence. I want to liberate others just by my company. Everyday I’m going to become better and better. And everyone will be in awe of me.

And I am grateful. Grateful for my family, friends, Scott and all those whom I love. And the world is perfect in all it’s greatness. And I am satisfied and content and wondering why no else sees how magnificent the world is.

& I can’t wait to live tomorrow. & the day after. & the day after that.

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