Okay
Personally, I would never tell anyone that I have a diaryland account for the same reasons why I wouldn't tell anyone that I watch anime or masturbate; it's embaressing.
Yes, I can be that vulgar.
I'm trying to calm my thoughts down and it's suprisingly not as hard as I thought it would be. All these positive mantras that I have ingrained in my subconscious is actually doing wonders for me.
I'm not perfect though; and every now and again, I let a sad thought slip past me. And for a few moments I get really quiet and sad and weird; but it doesn't last long. Thank God.
I had a dream last night about things that I can't really remember and about things that really don't make sense unless you are in your REM cycle.
I was a little kid and then the normally me. And then the little kid again and the normal me again. I just couldn't make up my mind about childhood or adulthood and so I kept on transforming into both of myselfs. The scenery was some sort of creepy desert with no water and a dark sun. Even though it was blazing hott - there was no shade but lots of dark. There was a traveling asian circus with little children that performed acrobats. & two of the little girls were performing and both of them were doing the same trick and one of them fell and broke their wrist and there was lots of blood. While the little girl was falling, I heard her yelling 'do it better!' to the other little girl and that's when she fell. She fell because she was telling the other little girl to do better, but she was the one who broke her wrist. The other girl was safe but she didn't perform her routine as magnificently.
Life is really hard.
Another part of my dream, I remember was there was a collection of writings that were sent to me and my family. To the only house in the middle of the dark desert. And I opened it and I read the first passage on the inside cover. And I recognized the words and towrads the ends I realized they were mine. They were my words. And the publisher left a note at the bottom that said, "the best writer." And I was happy and confused and sad because I wanted my sister to be the best writer, so in the dream I apologized to her. And she smiled and said it was okay.
I don't know why I'm telling you my dreams. I think I'm in a weird mood. And life is being sort of hard. And I'm having a hard time. And I'm not good at being .emo. anymore; so I don't know how to tell anyone how I feel.
The other night I had a dream that I wasn't good enough. Like that was the entire gist of the dream; being told that I wasn't good enough. And then I started crying in my dream. And like when you were a kid and you were sleeping and you could feel yourself wetting the bed; just like that but with tears. I could feel them sliding down my face while I was in my dream world and it was such a weird sensation to be far away and here at the same time. It's like being in two places at once.
I don't know why I wrote all that crappy stuff I wrote up there; I just did. Kind of weird; but it did make me feel better.
I like semicolons.