Silly diaryland had too many problems when I was going through my own and all I wanted to was vent. But, then again I wouldn't be a gold plus member, so I guess it's my fault.

This is what I wanted to say May 3, 2007:

I’m just writing here in a silly Microsoft so that I can paste it on to my diaryland account later; because diaryland is doing too many repairs that I actually had to write an entry on xanga; and it was awkward.

It’s important to for you to hear what I have to say. And the only reason why it’s important is because I think it is and NOT because it really is. Because everything is a matter of preference and taste; and nothing is objective. Except math, and physics, and chemistry. And that’s why I’m learning to love all of the above. Because those are things you can rely on. Because gravitational laws, Pythagorean theorem, and 1,3 diaxial interactions are a constant, K. Because those are solid and concrete and add meaning to my life because I can always count on the fact that A will always equal A. I like logic and rationality. But I’m not Kantian; there is no objective moral theory. And I never make decisions based on duty.

And I technically only have two more hours until my 20th birthday. Two more hours until teenagehood is over and I can’t use the excuse of ‘growing pains’ to blame the world for all its cruelty. But, it’s not that cruel. And I don’t have growing pains. And life is great. Most of the time.

And I like it when I get into moods like these. Because it makes me feel good about myself. Because it makes me relate to myself. And honestly, its the only relationship worth having. Because it’s the only one that you can ALWAYS rely on. Because people come and go but you’ll always be with yourself. Even on a deserted island. I think Mr.ForestGump in Castaway had to learn to love himself to live that way. You’re your only friend.

I think love is overrated sometimes. I think love is love. And great. And wonderful. But, I don’t understand why people work themselves up over it. And, I love Scott. And of course, we’re still together. ‘Cause I mean can we honestly REALLY break up? It’s been five years and we never can be apart from each other for THAT long. And, he’s just always going to be there. And I adore him to pieces.

But. Why do people let that kind of thing get to them? Why do people care THAT much? Why does it matter that much? There are plenty of other many beautiful things in this world, but people are so caught up in falling in love that they tend to miss it. And, don’t get me wrong I love having Scott and being held and being kissed and being adored.

But, I love the sky. And puppies. And paintings. And lots of color. And lots of random things that make me happy. Like umbrellas. And chapstick. And clean hair. And soft skin.

So why aren’t people happy all the time? Why do they let themselves get sad? I just don’t understand weakness when I’m not experiencing it. I think I’m just a hyprocrite when I’m happy. I’m just saying you’re not as sad as you think you are. And you’re life isn’t as bad as you think it is.

Life is wonderful. And happy. And beautiful. And pretty. And all of the pretty words you can find in the dictionary to depict beautiful.

And tomorrow’s my birthday. And I’ve never been a big birthday person and that’s okay. I don’t mind. I’m just happy being me. And 19 to 20 – isn’t that big of a difference. It’s jus numbers. And I’m happy.

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