Just A LOT of THOUGHTS
It's late again and I have insomnia. And it's just too late to complain about now getting any sleep. Because I'm way past the time that getting a good night's rest could have started.
And time just feels all the same when you're tired all the time. It might be that lethargic sleepy feeling that keeps you lazy, but awake at the same time. The kind that makes you waste time and life and makes you good for nothing.
You know what I mean. I know you do.
Insomnia bothers me because what am I going to do at 2:30 in the morning, when everyone is either sleeping or drunk and I want to be niether. Just sleeping and dreaming about whatever it is that I really want to happen as soon as possible in my life right now.
Man, I'm ready. I'm ready to be happy. And become ready to be this person that I've always wanted to be. Sometimes, I wonder if I am that person now. Sometimes, I am proud of myself. Very proud of myself. But, I just need more. More. More.
Because where I am is enough but not satisfying. Or satisfying but not enough.
You know what I mean. I know you do.
It's late and I've been practicing my reaction mechanisms for organic chemistry. And I'm worried, but not as worried as I should be. I need to start studying for my lab midterm on tuesday. And I haven't finised chapter 16 or started chapter 17 for orgo II quiz on monday. And I'm just tired. Really tired.
Let's go to bed.
Let's stay awake.
And all of it is just one really long thought. One really long sentence.
And I've been just listening to two songs all night long. And I like them. But they will grow old. But they inspire me. And make me feel good now. So, I'll keep listening.
I want to be smart. I am smart. I want to be more. I need to be more. I want to become a doctor. I want to be excellent. I want to be inspired and inspire.
And I'm glad that I just let out all of these silly thoughts. The ones that keep running through my mind. I just want them out of me. And stay out of me. And just let me keep progressing by making up new thoughts. New ones. Not old ones. I want to become new. New now. Right now. Maintenant, s'il vous plait.
Deep breaths. I love deep breaths. They are my favorite. And they are the only things that truly relax me. And that's why I'm not easily upset or offended. Because things like that don't matter. And they won't matter in 10 years or even 5 minutes. So what's the poitn of being upset?
I liket he future. I am living for the future and the prospect of always having a better day tomorrow. Even though today was great. And everyday I fulfill a goal because today was better than yesterday. And tomorrow will be better than today. And I'm just ready. I'm excited to live my life.
I need to find myself more. I know myself really well already. But not enough, I want to know more. More. More. More.
Not enough. I need more. I need to be more. I need to be more. I can't stop repeating myself. These are all my thoughts.
Thank God, I can actually type as fast as I talk in mind. Because it makes things easier. Almost like I'm having a conversation with someone that won't intterrupt.
Goodnight.