And I'm tired but I can't sleep.

Isn't that always the case when you have too much on your mind? When things become too much for you to handle you have to resort to online blogger, a diaryland.com account nonetheless.

And I'm just glad that nothing will come of me putting dangerous thoughts here. And even if I have the most incriminating confessions, it's okay to say them here. It's safe and comforting. And I'm just glad that I never deleted this account of the past few years of my life.

And I have too much to think about it.

And it's just way to dangerous to say.

And maybe I'll say it in the future, but I can't say it right now.

I feel better because I spoke to my brother and sister. And thank God, I can rely on them. And they're my best friends and my family and ... the boy with the hazel eyes ... are the only ones that I care about.

And I'm about to throw up again.

I'm about to go pass out from the shame. And the guilt. And the. And the. And the.

And I can't write it. Or it will be record of the biggest mistake of my life.

But, I want to say it. But I just can't.

I need to study for my sociology health and medicine test on thursday and my microbio test on monday.

But, my eyes hurt. And my face is swollen. And my ears are ringing.

And believe me this is a big deal.

I'm not making it up.

I need to throw up.