Calm
It's afternoon and the snow is gorgeous. Soft and fluffy and shiny because of the sun. And, I'm just happy because I'm with my family and this is enough for me to get through what I need to.
And I'm doing it again. Writing in here as an escape from reality,. With the music on real loud and music lyrics with a somber tone.
But, I'm just contemplative. Pensieve. And, just trying to be okay with everything without being too sad.
Because I'm not sad.
Just quiet.
The quiet that I know so well. Resignation. The kind of quiet that motivates me to write - like right now.
I'm just praying praying praying.
And, God is my peace. And thank God for God. Thank himself for himself. And, he calms me down. And, I'm happy. And when things become too rough ... thank God.
I"m just going to put it all in his hands. Because there is only so much I can do. I do what I can and then I pray. and pray. and pray.
like boxcars boxcars boxcars.
And God is my conductor. My footprints in the sand poem. the hymn of my peace. and i'm just glad i'm not alone. and all of this bullshittyass pathetic feelings that i shouldn't be having. and, it's okay because God is with me.
and i'm safe. and at peace.
and i can live like this. carry me, God. be my footprints in the sad.
save me from myself.