And I know that I have a test in a couple of hours. And I'm well aware that I've been awake since 4:45 in the morning. I just need to get it off my chest.

I just need to type away all the things that are cluttering my mind and distracting me from studying. Because studying is so important to me. Because studying is the only skill I have now. Because it makes me - me ... now.

And I'm just glad that it's over. And, I don't care if thats a lie. And years from now I won't mean it because I'll be living my happily ever after with kids with Mr. Hazel eyes.

It's just that I'm glad I have this diary to remind me what has happened to me in this past. And for some odd reason, this break up feels new. And this break up feels like the first time. And this break up felt almost like rock bottom at 16. It felt real.

And what I have to remind myself is that rock bottom at 16 wasn't really rock bottom at all, was it? I got him back. Didn't I?

And what I have to keep in mind is what I said in this entry, Almost there on 7.01.05.

Because it was 3 years and 7 days ago. And I still feel the same way. And I'm glad that I wrote it because I always thought that Scott could be the only that could make this pain go away. And that's not true. I can.

I can make this pain go away. I can command it to go away. After six years of loopy-de-doop relationship, you learn more things than you realize.

Or that maybe the reason is the difference in age. And thus, the difference in wisdom. Which is not to say that wisdom necessarily requires age, but it does grow with it.

Age is just a number.
And years are just years.
And love is just love.

And I'm okay. Or at least trying to be. Because me from 3 years ago and 7 days ago can save me, not some silly boy with hazel eyes that dilate when I smile. Pupil in denial.

And I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.

Thank God for me.
because I can save me from myself.

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