Practice Happiness
I woke up confused and disoriented. I had set my alarm clock for 8:00 and now it's 10:00 and I hate that I wasted two hours of productive time.
But, I just wanted to sleep, not the kind where it's imperative because you need to do something important the next day, or because your so tired that your body feels like lead, the kind where you choose to sleep.
Choose to not be awake.
And, I'm trying my best. My absolute best. I just need to get my life back together. I can't let this downfall kill me.
I need to decide what I want to do.
I need to figure out how to get there. Write it down. And make it a tangible goal. And not just a dream.
And I just need to be me again.
Strong. Driven. And motivated.
And I just feel like a drifter because Scott and I are over. And one of the things I was so fucking certain about in my life, I can't help but feel reluctant towards the other decisions I make in my life.
Like picking a certain career might be a big letdown. Just the way my Scott Fairytale did.
And heartbreak is one of the worse feelings in the world. And I'm just trying to shake it.
And if you met me down the street you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm the same girl that writes this bullshit on this bullshit diary.
Because I am happy. I practice happiness.
And I'm so fucking good at it.
Except at the moment I've lost my expertise due to a boy with hazel eyes.
I need to save myself again.