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Every time I write osmething in here. It always start in a similar manner... "I know I shouldn't be writing in here when I have X to study for." Today X is Homeostasis.
Today, X is still really Scott.
And I feel more fucked up than normal. Fucked up in a way that makes me feel really bad and hate myself. But, let's not get carried away. Because I'm happy. In the happy way that forces me to look on the bright side.
And damn, I'm good at it.
It's just that sometimes when you get on your ex-boyfriends facebook, and he has a message from an X girlfriend that you just pretend that it doesn't hurt and when you mention it to a friend you start bawling your eyes out and you didn't even realize that you were sad.
And I just really wanna call.
Sometimes I just call to see if he would pick up. Just to see if I can dare myself to do the unthinkable. And then I tell myself even if he doesn't at least you get to hear his voicemessage.
And that should be enough for the next couple of months.