So let me fill you in. Let me make this clear. Let me remind you. I know you are going to read this in this future - whether it be weeks from now, months from now, and more likely years from now - and so I want to help.

I want to put this in perspective for you.

Because I feel fucking great right now. Even though I'm going through a break up and that my heart broke again for the second time.

And let me remind you that you have been here before. And that it's not as bad as you think. Reread your past entries of the way you use to feel. And you'll recall that you can't actually call forth the same emotions that you had when you wrote those words.

And it's a grossly disturbing and blessing thought at the same time. Bittersweet.

You love Scott more than you could ever imagine. He was your life in so many ways. And for 6 years you were head over heels in love to the point of absurdity. It was insane the way you were in love with him. It was an obsession.

It's part of you genome. You are by nature a very passionate person. And when you love - you love with all of your heart. And that is your greatest strength and weakness at the same time. But, it's the reason why life is so fucking sweet for you. Because it's intense ... even if it's brief.

Like right now.

Do you remember Mr. Second? The way you use to love him? You thought you loved him more than Scott. And right now at this moment - I'm willing to say that you did. But, honestly you can't compare. Because these two loves fall into completely different categories. Apples and oranges.

But you loved Mr. Second a great fucking deal. And the crazy part is - you know that you only write in your diary when you're super sad - or supper happy - and that's the only time. You need to feel something extreme to be able to write like this. And you know it. That's the only time when your stream of consciousness sounds like poetry without trying. And you know you are damn proud. ;)

But keep in mind that you didn't write for the past year or so - and the only times that you did was because you were so damn happy with Mr. Second. He made you so fucking happy. It was unreal. And he was almost perfect. Almost. He had all the things that Mr. X lacked. The most important difference thing of why you and Mr. X grew apart was ambition and motivation. Mr. X lacked all those things. But Mr. Second ... he was kind, loving, thoughtful, brilliantly smart, ridiculously talented - everything was great on paper.

Moreover, he was very driven and motivated. He paralleled your ideals on life and career.

But, now you realize that's not enough. Because Mr. Second lacked passion for love. He loved you. But, not in a fairytale sort of way. He loved himself and his ambition more. And as soon as medical school came into play you became second and on the side lines.

So, let's take a moment to reassess what you should do and think about.

Mr. X - loved you a great deal; would do anything for you; believed you were his soulmate

Mr. Second - Scored a perfect %100 on what you what in a soulmate

But what they acceled was overshadowed by a fault; and each other their great qualities was the other's fault

And to be honest. I need a more well-rounded man. And every experience is honestly a growing one. Now, I know what I am looking for. The greatness factor of each of them blended into one.

And I can only upgrade anyway. From, unemployed and not going to school to medical student to...resident? ;) Ha.

You are awesome. Remember that. And that God will save the best for last for you. And that you just have to be happy and enjoy the ride. Be a little bit more careful with your heart please. Be more aware of how you are falling with someone. They are NOT Mr. X nor Mr. Second. They will be Mr. Next. So treat them that way and enjoy. So, they might be Mr. Last.

Love you, May Miguel. You are awesome

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