I want to cry. But I can't. And I can feel the tears behind my eyes if I force them hard enough. I'm alone in my room studying for yet another nursing test. And behind closed doors I'm safe. And I need to relieve myself of all this built up something that I can't define.

And I just want to try to make this anxiety go away. Mourn. Move on. Feel better.

I've skipped the entire steps of denial, anger, blahblahblah. I'm resigned. So heal me now. Please.

You know when you feel sad for no reason? Not like the super sad because life sucks. Because it doesn't. The kind of sad that makes the world a little less colorful and a little more boring. That kind of sad? The beginning of the end. The glass half empty. The kind where you don't really care. That's it. Nonchalance. Like who cares?

I'm not talking about the kind where you want to kill yourself because everything is falling apart around you. And your drowning. I'm talking about the quiet kind of sad that never really know how to pinpoint. Assess. Or Diagnose.

Honest to God.

I just really want to feel better.

And I can lie to myself. And I can tell myself I'm super happy. Because I am. I am very happy. I can not cry for days and ignore the way I feel. And that the feeling kind of goes away by pretending. But when your tired and you're not that strong... the feeling is overwhelming and you your strength to fight of this feeling is diminished from exhaustion.

So how do you save yourself then?

Save me. Please. God. Save. Me.

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